Korrekturlesen engl. Text < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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Hallo erstmal,
ich schreibe gerade an einem Bericht zu einer Erkrankung und es wäre wirklich lieb, wenn jemand einmal drüber lesen würde. Natürlich könnt ihr Fachbegriffe außen vor lassen, es geht eher um die Konstruktionen.
Vielen lieben Dank
Kirsten
<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%" align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US">
Apart from the known diseases an another disorder has set in the
north of the Republic of Namibia in recent years, namely tinea
capitis. Therefore in the following text this disease and a
promising treatment option will be discussed.
<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%" align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US">
Tinea capitis is a common disorder caused by superficial dermatophyte
infection of the skin of the scalp that affect primarily
preadolescent children (3 to 12 years). The main causative agents are
anthropophilic organism with Microsporum canis, Trichophyton
verrucosum and Trichophyton rubrum.
<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%" align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US">
Theese infection has a tendency for attacking hair shafts, and can
range from a non-inflammatory scaling up to a serious pustular
eruption with alopecia. The most common clinical picture of tinea
capitis is the alopecia, which can occur several areas or the entire
skin of the scalp and can studded with abrupt hairs. Other common
symptoms of this disease are severe pruritus of the scalp, scattered
pustules and round scaly lesions, that may be red or swollen. Besides
many patients are affected with severe complications, e.g. painful
regional lymphoadenopathy (posterior auricular and cervicular
lymphadenopathy). The longer the infection exists, the more the
alopecia and other symptoms will be perpetually and will likely
worsen. The diagnostic methods of tinea capitis are based on the
inspection of the skin and mycological cultures to exclude or confirm
the diagnosis. This disease spread among family members and other
individuals. That`s why people, who are in contact with an infected
patient should be examined and appropriately treated. Due to this
fact, a chronic form can develop if a patient is constantly exposed
from untreated family members or other people. If a tinea capitis
diagnosed the treatment is normally simple and effective. The aim of
the therapy is to accomplish a cure as quickly as possible. There are
two forms of therapy:
[LIST]
[*]<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%" align="LEFT"><span lang="en-US">topical
treatment</span>
[*]<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; line-height: 150%" align="LEFT"><span lang="en-US">oral
treatment</span>
[/LIST]
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| Status: |
(Antwort) fertig  | | Datum: | 21:42 Mo 01.08.2011 | | Autor: | chrisno |
Hallo Kirsten,
ein bisschen kann ich weiterhelfen. Ich kann mir vorstellen, dass ich zu viel geändert habe.
> Apart from the known diseases an another disorder has set
> in the
> north of the Republic of Namibia in recent years, namely
> tinea
> capitis.
Vorschlag: In (ob hier noch ein the reingehört?) recent years tinea capitis has spread in the north of the Republic of Namibia.
This disease and a promising treatment option is discussed.
>
> Tinea capitis is a common disorder caused by superficial
> dermatophyte
> infection of the skin of the scalp that affects primarily
> preadolescent children (3 to 12 years). The main causative
> agents are
> anthropophilic organisms with Microsporum canis,
> Trichophyton
> verrucosum and Trichophyton rubrum.
>
>
> This infection has a tendency for attacking hair shafts,
> and can
> range from a non-inflammatory scaling up to a serious
> pustular
> eruption with alopecia. The most common clinical picture
> of tinea
> capitis is the alopecia, which can occur in several areas or
> the entire
> skin of the scalp and
can studded ???
schreib mal auf deutsch, was Du sagen willst
> with abrupt hairs. Other
> common
> symptoms of this disease are severe pruritus of the scalp,
> scattered
> pustules and round scaly lesions, that may be red or
> swollen. Besides
Vorschlag: Futhermore
> many patients are affected with severe complications, e.g.
> painful
> regional lymphoadenopathy (posterior auricular and
> cervicular
> lymphadenopathy). The longer the infection exists, the
> more the
> alopecia and other symptoms will become perpetual and likely will
> worsen.
Diagnostic methods to exclude or confirm tinea capitis are based
> on the inspection of the skin and mycological cultures.
> This disease spreads among family members
> and other
> individuals.
Was willst Du da sagen? Übertragung durch Kontakt?
> That's why people, who had contact with an
> infected
> patient should be examined and appropriately treated. Due
> to this
> fact, a A chronic form can develop if a patient is
> constantly exposed
> to untreated family members or other people. If a tinea
> capitis
> diagnosed the treatment is normally simple and effective.
> The aim of
> the therapy is to accomplish a cure as quickly as
> possible.
Ist das nicht immer so?
> There are
> two forms of therapy:
To therapies are applicable:
>
> topical treatment
> oral treatment
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| Status: |
(Antwort) fertig | | Datum: | 15:54 Di 02.08.2011 | | Autor: | Nisse |
> Apart from the known diseases an another disorder
"an" oder "another", nicht beides.
> has set in the
> north of the Republic of Namibia in recent years, namely
> tinea
> capitis.
"set" habe ich in diesem Zusammenhang noch nicht gehört. Krankheiten "appear", "take root" oder "rear their ugly heads". ;-]
Dieser erste Satz klingt unenglisch. Es klingt eine vage Andeutung durch, dass Namibia mit mehr Krankheiten zu kämpfen hat als andere Länder. Ist das gewollt? Oder geht es nur um die Krankheiten, die es eh überall gibt und auf die du später nicht mehr eingehst? Die sollten dann nicht extra erwähnt werden.
Erste Sätze sind auch nicht gerade meine Stärke. Wie wäre es mit "A new disease has taken root in Namibia in the last years"
> Therefore in the following text this disease and a
> promising treatment option will be discussed.
"Therefore" ist zu stark. Der Text ist keine zwingende Folge der Krankheit.
Nicht "the following text", es ist "this text"
> Tinea capitis is a common disorder caused by superficial
> dermatophyte
> infection of the skin of the scalp that affect primarily
> preadolescent children (3 to 12 years).
"of the skin of the scalp" klingt nicht gut, lässt sich aber eventuell nicht verhindern.
Vermeide Klammern, vermeide Ziffern (Wir sind hier schließlich kein Matheforum!): "children, three to twelve years old."
> The main causative
> agents are
> anthropophilic organism with Microsporum canis,
> Trichophyton
> verrucosum and Trichophyton rubrum.
Was meinst Du mit "with"? "that are infected with"? Oder "that are carrying"? Oder noch was anderes?
> Theese infection has a tendency for attacking hair shafts,
Besser "tendency to attack".
> and can
> range from a non-inflammatory scaling up to a serious
> pustular
> eruption with alopecia. The most common clinical picture
> of tinea
> capitis is the alopecia, which can occur several areas or
> the entire
> skin of the scalp and can studded with abrupt hairs.
Vermutlich meinst Du "can occur in" und "can be studded"?
> Other
> common
> symptoms of this disease are severe pruritus of the scalp,
> scattered
> pustules and round scaly lesions, that may be red or
> swollen.
> Besides
"Besides" heißt "Übrigens". "Besides that" kommt dem "Außerdem", dass Du hier vermutlich meinst, näher.
> many patients are affected with severe complications, e.g.
> painful
> regional lymphoadenopathy (posterior auricular and
> cervicular
> lymphadenopathy).
Sind die Klammern hier richtig gesetzt?
> The longer the infection exists, the
Nimm statt "exists" besser "persists", etwa "Solange sie anhält"
> more the
> alopecia and other symptoms will be perpetually and will
> likely
> worsen.
"will be perpetuated", wenn Du meinst "wird stärker werden".
> The diagnostic methods of tinea capitis are based
> on the
> inspection of the skin and mycological cultures to exclude
> or confirm
> the diagnosis.
Hier wird nicht deutlich, dass es um einen Zwei-Stufen-Prozess geht: Erst Verdacht durch "inspection", dann Bestätigen durch "cultures".
> This disease spread among family members
> and other
> individuals.
"spreads"
"other individuals" ist sehr vage. Erwähne besser hier schon so etwas wie "direct contact" oder "by touch".
> That's why people, who are in contact with an
> infected
> patient should be examined and appropriately treated.
Kein Komma.
> Due
> to this
> fact,
Welches "fact"? Das letzte was Du schreibst ist eine Empfehlung, keine Tatsache.
> a chronic form can develop if a patient is
> constantly exposed
> from untreated family members or other people. If a tinea
> capitis
> diagnosed the treatment is normally simple and effective.
"is diagnosed"
> The aim of
> the therapy is to accomplish a cure as quickly as
> possible. There are
> two forms of therapy:
So, das war jetzt eine sehr gründliche und ausführliche Korrekturlesung. Ich hoffe Du kannst mit meinen Kommentaren etwas anfangen. Frag gerne nach, wenn ich irgendwo zu kryptisch war.
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