Korrektur von Text < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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(Frage) beantwortet  | | Datum: | 16:07 Sa 26.02.2005 | | Autor: | sinz |
Guten Tag!
Ich muss in meinem Englisch-Kurs eine Zusammenfassung von The Beach schreiben. Es wäre sher nett wenn ihr mir mal Verbesserungsvorschläge geben könntet. Danke!Sina
Summary
A young backpacker from England named Richard is in Bangkok during his journey. He stays in a cheap hotel on the famous Khao San Road.
In his first night his next door neighbour shows up, it is Daffy an older and drug addicted traveller who tells Richard about a beach which is supposed to be like paradise unknown by tourist.
The next day Richard finds a hand-drawn map pinned to his door. It is a hand-drawn map and it shows the way to the secret island with the beautiful beach. He goes to Daffys room to talk to him and finds his corps, Daffy committed suicide. After an day on the local police station Richard is allowed to leave. He meets a french couple who also stays in his hotel and talks to them about a trip to the secret Island. The french couple, Francoise and Etienne, join him and Etienne plans the whole trip. The problem is that the islands is in an National Park in the Gulf of Thailand where tourist are forbidden to go.
They have to swim from one island to the other and when they arrive they find an huge field of marijuana which is watched by armed men. After the last excitement of their journey jumping down a huge waterfall they finally arrive is the so-called paradise. They are welcomed in the small community and the island becomes their home. Each has a role to play in the small community of travellers and their existence seems perfect. However things are start to get difficult. After a food poisoning things start to get messed up. Personal conflict and petty jealousy lead to a violent rivalry. Richard starts to get paranoid. The upcoming arrival of 5 other travellers Richard gave the map to lead to an even bigger conflict. The new tourists are detected by the guardians and killed. Richard has the idea of leaving the paradise....
Ich habe diese Frage in keinem Forum auf anderen Internetseiten gestellt.
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hallo,
mir ist folgendes aufgefallen:
>
> Summary
> A young backpacker from England named Richard is in
> Bangkok during his journey. He stays in a cheap hotel on
> the famous Khao San Road.
> In his first night his next door neighbour shows up, it is
> Daffy an older and drug addicted traveller who tells
> Richard about a beach which is supposed to be like paradise
> unknown by tourist s .
> The next day Richard finds a hand-drawn map pinned to his
> door. (2x hand-drawn; kannscht sagen: he finds a notice pinned.. )It is a hand-drawn map and it shows the way to the
> secret island with the beautiful beach. He goes to Daffys
> room to talk to him and finds his corps e, Daffy committed
> suicide. After an (a day; an nur wenn ein vokal folgt) day on the local police station Richard
> is allowed to leave. He meets a french couple who also
> stays in his hotel and talks to them about a trip to the
> secret Island. The french couple, Francoise and Etienne,
> join him and Etienne plans the whole trip. The problem is
> that the islands is in a National Park in the Gulf of
> Thailand where tourist s are forbidden to go.
> They have to swim from one island to the other and when
> they arrive they find an huge field of marijuana which is
> watched by armed men. After the last excitement of their
> journey jumping down a huge waterfall they finally arrive
> is the so-called paradise. They are welcomed in the small
> community and the island becomes their home. Each has a
> role to play in the small community of travellers and their
> existence seems perfect. However things are start to get
> difficult. After a food poisoning things start to get
> messed up. Personal conflicts and petty jealousy lead to a
> violent rivalry. Richard starts to get paranoid. The
> upcoming arrival of 5 other travellers Richard gave the
> map to lead to an even bigger conflict. The new tourists
> are detected by the guardians and killed. Richard has the
> idea of leaving the paradise....
hoff ich konnt helfen, grüßle fuenkchen
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(Mitteilung) Reaktion unnötig  | | Datum: | 17:08 Sa 26.02.2005 | | Autor: | sinz |
Ich danke dir hab schnell alles korrigiert... wenn noch jemand etwas finde würde ich mich freuen! Danke SIna
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Hallo Sina,
hier dein Text mit meinen Korrekturen.
> Summary
> A young backpacker from England named Richard is in
> Bangkok during his journey. He stays in a cheap hotel
on ich dachte, 'on the road' heißt sowas wie unterwegs,
andererseits hört sich 'in the road' auch nicht besser an...
> the famous Khao San Road.
In Ich fände hier 'during' besser
> his first night his next door neighbour shows up, it is
> Daffy an older and drug addicted traveller who tells
> Richard about a beach which is supposed to be like paradise
> unknown by
tourist hier besser Plural
> The next day Richard finds a hand-drawn map pinned to his
> door.
It is a hand-drawn map and das kannst du weglassen
> it shows the way to
the secret island with the beautiful beach zunächst ist es nur irgendeine Insel, deshalb lieber 'a secret island with a beautiful beach'
> He goes to Daffys
> room
to 'um zu' heißt im Englischen 'in order to'
> talk to him and finds his corpse. Daffy committed
> suicide. After a day at the local police station Richard
> is allowed to leave. He meets a french couple
who also stays
1. ich denke, auf couple passt 'which' besser als 'who', auch wenn es um Personen geht
2. hier wäre 'continuos' angebracht, weil sich das Paar ja längere Zeit im Hotel befunden hat, als Richard sie anspricht, d.h.
...a french couple, which is staying...
> in his hotel and talks to them about a trip to the
> secret Island. The french couple, Francoise and Etienne,
> joins him and Etienne plans the whole trip. The problem is
> that the island liesin a National Park in the Gulf of
> Thailand where tourists are forbidden to go to.
> They have to swim from one island to the other and when
> they arrive they discover a huge field of marijuana which is
> guarded by armed men. After the last excitement of their
> journey jumping down a huge waterfall they finally arrive
> is the so-called paradise. They are welcomed in the small
> community and the island becomes their home. Each has a
> role to play in the small community of travellers and their
> existence seems perfect. However things starts to get
> difficult. After a food poisoning things start to get
> messed up.
Diese Passage sollte etwas anders formuliert werden. 'things' klingt irgendwie unbeholfen, lieber drei Sätze draus machen und genauer beschreiben, was schiefläuft.
> Personal conflicts and petty jealousy lead to a
> violent rivalry. Richard starts to get paranoid. The
> upcoming arrival of 5 other travellers Richard gave the
> map to lead to an even bigger conflict. The new tourists
> are detected by the guardians and killed. Richard has the
> idea of leaving the paradise....
>
>
> Ich habe diese Frage in keinem Forum auf anderen
> Internetseiten gestellt.
>
Ich hoffe, dass ich dir ein bisschen weiterhelfen konnte.
Hugo
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